Prayer

I went back to pray at Loyang today. It was a place I used to go once or twice a week, when I just broke up with Jas, to pray for her to have a happy life, to always be the girl I fell so deeply in love with. In a way, I guess he did his part. She is happy now, really happy, as far as I can tell. And that is a kind of consolation for me. I haven't returned to thank him for the favor though, and that seems kind of ungrateful, so I went back today.

I like that place, there's something about Chinese temples (most of them, at least). They evoke this sense of peace, and comfort, and calm. And I'll be honest, part of the reason I go there, is to hope to get a glimpse of her, because I know she goes every week. She wasn't there today though. So I did what I came to do, today I prayed sincerely and thanked every deity there for looking after her, and fulfilling my wish. And to make sure the new guy treats her well, if not I hope his testicles fall off. Me? Nah, I didn't bother praying for myself. He probably knows I don't believe in him, so he probably won't give two shits about me. I just hope that if he does exist, he will keep watch over her.

So what is a non-believer doing in a temple? The same reason I'm writing this blog I guess. It's a form of release for me, someone/something to tell my feelings to, an outlet for my emotions. My friends have been more than supportive of me these months, and I don't want to keep depressing them by whining to them all the time. I wouldn't need a reply or consolation or anything like this (if my blog were to suddenly type back, "It's ok, cheer up brah.", I will seriously freak out.), but it just helps that little bit to have something/someone to tell your feelings to. And I know she believes in him, so if he does help her somehow, I guess its good anyhow.

I left the temple feeling slightly better than the crap I was feeling this afternoon, so in a way, these visits to the temple always did me some good.