Goodbye, my love...

So I've heard.

I heard you moved on.

That you found someone better.

Someone who can bring the smile back to your face.

I was blank for a while.

And in that moment of blankness, I wished that I, too, had moved on.

I wished that it is the reason why I'm not feeling anything.

And then it started.

That sick, indescribable feeling slowly building its way in my chest.

Of what?

I don't know exactly. 

Its like every negative emotion I know, is slowly awakening within me.

And like a prey not wanting to wake his predators,

I tried to push them away, keep them quiet, ignore them.
But its too late.

The predators have awoken, hungry.
Like hungry vultures circling their dying prey.

This time, I didn't run away anymore.

I couldn't.
There was nowhere to.
I just lay there, and let them devour me from within.

I let the tears flow down my face.

I wanted so much to scream.

To hit something. Someone.

To run, just run until the air in my lungs run out.

I wanted to call you

to ask you why.

To let you know,

how much you mean to me.

And how much its killing me inside.

But,
I love you too much.

I love you way too much to try to make you stay.

Because I know you're happy now.

I do not want to hold you back from the life you deserve.

I've never believed that if you love someone, you will let them go.

But now I do.

And that is why I will not call you.

I will not let you see the pathetic, pitiful state I am in now.

I will not let you know how much hurt I'm feeling because of you.

Because I can never bear to hurt you again.

I love you, Jasmine.

I know you will never see this,

but I just hope in my heart,

you will be truly happy.

And you will look back at the memories,

and know that despite whatever has happened,

whoever I was before I met you,

whatever I have done to you,

I have truly loved you.

And I still do.