That was the message that came through on my phone on that peaceful Wednesday afternoon. Of course, knowing my colleagues, I knew team-bonding will probably involve drinking at some raunchy KTV, and paying a few tens to get to grab a boob or get a kiss. More will probably get you a blowjob, and extorbitant amounts will get you a fuck for the night, if the girl provides...ermmmm...after work services.
I usually don't like such places, the few times I have been to them was to entertain bosses or friends. I had never liked the idea of paid intimacy or sex, don't ask me why. I just don't. Some of the more "innocent" colleagues have agreed to go this time, so I thought what the hell, this might finally be a good time for me to go. At least I'll have company being awkward there. I have already rejected my boss many times, but in this dirty, political corporate world, we all know that being friends with the boss is a good way to climb up the ladder. That is not to say its purely for securing my job anyways, I'm pretty close to the guys now, they are great friends, and it will be nice to hang out with them and get drunk together once in a while.
So I picked up my colleagues, headed down to the location. Lo and behold, a brightly lit neon sign with pictures of girls plastered all over the walls. "Team building, riiiiight."
It started off pretty normal, a couple of beers, some bitching among guys about work and office babes, some laughter. Then the last guy arrived, exclaimed "Where are the girls?!" And the night started.
Girls started coming in, mostly dressed in their most skanky outfits. Mini-skirts, shorts so short you can see their buttcheeks, plunging necklines revealing so much boob, they may as well be naked. Things went as I expected, the usual suspects had their wandering hands disappearing underneath the the girl's dresses, and occasionally you can see them literally eating out the girl's face in a furious battle of tongues and lips. The girls knew what they were doing too, teasing and seducing the men to part with their money.
It was quite a sight, and its not a pretty sight. This industry always brings out the worst in us, to see how easily dignity and chastity is so easily traded for a couple of tens so easily given as well. But oh well, its a fair trade. One needs to grab some boob is willing to pay for it. One has the boobs and is willing to let you touch them for your money. Its all business, good business, and everyone is happy. The other 3 of us just continued drinking our beer, watching the transactions occur, laughing along with the rest, rejecting the girls that came our way. The atmosphere was happy, light-hearted and jovial. I can see why its team-bonding, everyone was really having fun, and getting closer together.
The night went on, and slowly my other 2 colleagues succumbed to the combined pressures of the girls, the other guys, their own manly urges, and of course, the alcohol. I was the only one left without a girl, and honestly, I didnt really mind. No I wouldn't say I am extremely self-righteous, well-controlled or gay. I would probably have succumbed much earlier a couple of months back, but ever since my recent breakup, I honestly am not in much of a mood for girls. So there isn't actually much self-control needed, so to speak.
Then there was this girl, standing at the back as the other girls jostled for my attention. I don't know exactly what is it about her (it may be just the alcohol), but as our eyes met and she smiled, I smiled back. And she happily squeezed her way past her friends to take her seat beside me, as her other friends left in disappointment, knowing that's one less customer to earn from.
She sat beside me, and introduced herself as Hyfa?kag?k?adhaj. No its not that I can't be bother about her name, I just really cannot pronounce Vietnamese names for the life of me. Let's just call her H. I introduced myself as well, and she just smiled leaned on my shoulder, holding onto my arm. I don't know what hit me then (its probably just the alcohol again haha), but memories of Jas came back to me like floodwaters bursting through a broken dam again. Memories of how she used to hold my arm in the same way, that lean that says "I want you". And for that moment, I found my hand sliding behind her back, holding her by her shoulder and pulling her towards me in a tight embrace. I can tell she was a bit surprised, probably pleasantly surprised, as she put her head on my chest and her arm around my tummy. Just like her. It was a quiet, special moment we both enjoyed, as we just sat there in each other's embrace, not speaking, not caring about the loud music or the boob-grabbing going on. To me, it was probably just a minor, temporary fill in the void I am feeling. To her, its probably a good change from all the other customers who seem to be interested in only her boobs.
I took out my phone to check the time, and like a playful child, she grabbed my phone and went straight into my photo album. Somehow I knew what she was looking for, as she scrolled quickly through the pages. Then she found a photo of her carrying a dog. She looked at the photo for a while, then she looked at me and asked me, "Girlfriend?"
I replied, "Yea."
Then she said, "Just no more?"
Its strange how she knew, considering she just knew me for about 15 minutes, and we can't exactly communicate well in words. I just nodded my head. She didn't say anymore, just snuggled up closer to me as she looked through my photos, occasionally asking me a question in very broken English here and there about them, and I replied with a mixture of very simple English and wild gesticulation. She then showed me her photos, pointing to them and saying "Father", "Mother", "House". She showed me her hometown, her family, her boyfriend who, if I didn't understand wrongly, cheated on her with another girl and she saw them at a restaurant, seated just a table away. And I just listened to her, enjoying the moment and stroking her hair gently. Girls came and left the room in droves after earning their tips, but she just stayed on, talking, enjoying herself. Guess she would prefer a quiet, nice night tonight then trying to earn money from every guy in the KTV.
After we were done with the photos, she looked at me straight in the eye for a short while, and she said
"I love you."
I knew she probably didn't mean like true love or anything, but that's probably the only words she knows to say to express that she likes me, but it was pretty sweet. I just smiled, caressing her face as I did. Then the gentle touch of lips, as we moved closer to each other. That slight, teasing kiss, like the first time I kissed a girl. Then she held me, pulled me close, and our lips locked. No raunchiness, no tonguing, no wandering hands. Just a sweet, passionate, teenage kiss as we lost ourselves in this strange relationship we had just developed. As we finally broke off, I could here my friends teasing me that we looked more like lovers than a customer/ KTV girl relationship. I didn't care, I just continued looking at her in the eye and smiling. I know its not love, I know I will never be in a long-term relationship with her, but for that night, I think we both just found some comfort and understanding in each other that we are both giving each other something we both missed. It was a nice feeling.
We spent the night like this, cuddling, kissing, teasing and talking in very bad English. The occasional drunk friend will come over and try to get some touchy-touchy, but she pushed them away. She will snuggle closer to me, and feeling strangely protective of her tonight, I will fend them off. Everyone just thinks its the weirdest they had ever seen a KTV girl and customer behave, but oh well, I don't really care what people think. I just laughed along with them. Then she asked if she could stay over at my place tonight. I know what that means is going to happen tonight, I just find it strange for the girl to be the one asking in a KTV setting, but I said yes anyway. Slowly as the night died down, and everyone had their share of boob-grabbing and blowjobs, we left for home. I held her hand on the way back. I don't care if people are going to think I'm dating a KTV girl, but tonight, I wanted to make her feel special again.
My room was still the exact same state as when J left, her stuffed toys still displayed in a row on my bed frame, her clothes in my cupboard, her furry pink blanket adorning my bed. She looked around curiously, and asked, "Her?" I replied with a simple "Yea." In a surprising move, she rubbed my hair, and kissed me on the forehead, in a way that tells me, "Its OK". Its really strange, how so much can be communicated between us through a few simple words.
We switched off the lights, and cuddled in bed for a while. Our noses were barely micrometers away from each other, our breathing strangely loud in the quiet room. The kiss came, and the passion as we lost ourselves in each other. She went fast, but everytime she did, I stopped her. Tonight, I just wanted her to feel that sex, is not just sex. That sex is called "making love" for a reason. I took my time, advancing slowly, slowly exploring her body, feeling the touch of her skin against mine. The rest I shall not type anymore, lest this blog becomes labelled as being pornographic.
As we lay exhausted in each other arms afterwards, we didn't talk for a while. Just that deep gazing into each other's eyes, occasionally smiling, occassionally a quick peck. Then she said, "You sex different." I jokingly teased, "Because I big?" She giggled, in a girlish little way, and replied, "You more love." I just smiled at her and held her closer to me. "You want me send you home?", I asked. She shook her head, and said, "No, I stay." I smiled again, closed my eyes, and just like this, we slept till morning.
The next day, I sent her home, and she gave me a long hug before giving me a kiss on the cheek. Somehow I could tell from her eyes, she knew this relationship is not meant to last. In 6 days, she will be leaving for home, and all that we have of each other will be a memory of two very different people from very different walks of life, who found a common understanding and mean so much to each other for that one night. She didn't ask me for payment of any kind, in a way it made me happy, because that probably meant that night meant more to her than just earning money.
I may not even remember your name or see you again, but thank you for that one lovely night. I wish you all the best in Vietnam :)
As a sub-note, I think girls working in these industries are some of the strongest people in the world. People do not think much of them, many even despise them. People just pay the money, get the sex, and carry on with their happy lives.
Some of them come willingly, knowing what they are getting into. Some have been tricked by unscruplulous pimps. Some have an inkling that they are going to be tricked, but still come because they really need the money. But the thing most of them have in common, is that they keep working, to provide a better life for their loved ones, their family. Some are even married. They had families, husbands, children, boyfriends, love, and they gave it all away to come to a foreign land where they are treated like sex objects. You cannot imagine the feelings that they are experiencing everyday they are here. How much they want to get out of this life, how much they wish they could live like us, if only for a while. And yet, in spite of these emotions, they have to put on a happy, cheerful face everyday they work. That's the only way they can earn more money, because nobody wants to screw a grumpy girl. They hide their sorrow, their pain and their emotions behind that heavy makeup and skimpy outfits. And here we are, showing up in office all grumpy and emotional because last night I broke a manicured nail.
That's why I think they are the strongest girls I know, and sadly, few will get to experience what we have. True love, comfort, security, are all the things in life we take for granted that these girls do not have. To all theses girls, I sincerely hope that every single one of you will be able to live a better life one day. Because I really feel, that you deserve much much more than the hell you are going through now.
We spent the night like this, cuddling, kissing, teasing and talking in very bad English. The occasional drunk friend will come over and try to get some touchy-touchy, but she pushed them away. She will snuggle closer to me, and feeling strangely protective of her tonight, I will fend them off. Everyone just thinks its the weirdest they had ever seen a KTV girl and customer behave, but oh well, I don't really care what people think. I just laughed along with them. Then she asked if she could stay over at my place tonight. I know what that means is going to happen tonight, I just find it strange for the girl to be the one asking in a KTV setting, but I said yes anyway. Slowly as the night died down, and everyone had their share of boob-grabbing and blowjobs, we left for home. I held her hand on the way back. I don't care if people are going to think I'm dating a KTV girl, but tonight, I wanted to make her feel special again.
My room was still the exact same state as when J left, her stuffed toys still displayed in a row on my bed frame, her clothes in my cupboard, her furry pink blanket adorning my bed. She looked around curiously, and asked, "Her?" I replied with a simple "Yea." In a surprising move, she rubbed my hair, and kissed me on the forehead, in a way that tells me, "Its OK". Its really strange, how so much can be communicated between us through a few simple words.
We switched off the lights, and cuddled in bed for a while. Our noses were barely micrometers away from each other, our breathing strangely loud in the quiet room. The kiss came, and the passion as we lost ourselves in each other. She went fast, but everytime she did, I stopped her. Tonight, I just wanted her to feel that sex, is not just sex. That sex is called "making love" for a reason. I took my time, advancing slowly, slowly exploring her body, feeling the touch of her skin against mine. The rest I shall not type anymore, lest this blog becomes labelled as being pornographic.
As we lay exhausted in each other arms afterwards, we didn't talk for a while. Just that deep gazing into each other's eyes, occasionally smiling, occassionally a quick peck. Then she said, "You sex different." I jokingly teased, "Because I big?" She giggled, in a girlish little way, and replied, "You more love." I just smiled at her and held her closer to me. "You want me send you home?", I asked. She shook her head, and said, "No, I stay." I smiled again, closed my eyes, and just like this, we slept till morning.
The next day, I sent her home, and she gave me a long hug before giving me a kiss on the cheek. Somehow I could tell from her eyes, she knew this relationship is not meant to last. In 6 days, she will be leaving for home, and all that we have of each other will be a memory of two very different people from very different walks of life, who found a common understanding and mean so much to each other for that one night. She didn't ask me for payment of any kind, in a way it made me happy, because that probably meant that night meant more to her than just earning money.
I may not even remember your name or see you again, but thank you for that one lovely night. I wish you all the best in Vietnam :)
As a sub-note, I think girls working in these industries are some of the strongest people in the world. People do not think much of them, many even despise them. People just pay the money, get the sex, and carry on with their happy lives.
Some of them come willingly, knowing what they are getting into. Some have been tricked by unscruplulous pimps. Some have an inkling that they are going to be tricked, but still come because they really need the money. But the thing most of them have in common, is that they keep working, to provide a better life for their loved ones, their family. Some are even married. They had families, husbands, children, boyfriends, love, and they gave it all away to come to a foreign land where they are treated like sex objects. You cannot imagine the feelings that they are experiencing everyday they are here. How much they want to get out of this life, how much they wish they could live like us, if only for a while. And yet, in spite of these emotions, they have to put on a happy, cheerful face everyday they work. That's the only way they can earn more money, because nobody wants to screw a grumpy girl. They hide their sorrow, their pain and their emotions behind that heavy makeup and skimpy outfits. And here we are, showing up in office all grumpy and emotional because last night I broke a manicured nail.
That's why I think they are the strongest girls I know, and sadly, few will get to experience what we have. True love, comfort, security, are all the things in life we take for granted that these girls do not have. To all theses girls, I sincerely hope that every single one of you will be able to live a better life one day. Because I really feel, that you deserve much much more than the hell you are going through now.
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