My ba xa, Oanh, is back from Vietnam! Actually, I would say I was a little apprehensive to meet her at first. Because I didn't know how she really felt about me, and I didn't want her to fall in love or harbor any hopes about me, because I know that she is not someone I would fall in love with. I did not want to lead her on. And so I avoided meeting her for a while, but under her persistence, I met her for a short while on my way to a friend's house. She snuck up on me and gave me a tight hug from behind. Well I'll admit it feels good, its been a while since I had a hug heheh. We chatted (in very broken English and wild gesticulation again) about how life has been for us. She showed me photos of Vietnam, and the things she did there. Then I saw a photo of her with another guy, and I asked her, "Boyfriend?" She nodded her head. I asked her if she was planning to get married soon, and she said yes, once they have both saved up enough money. Then she said, " He, Vietnam boyfriend. You, Singapore boyfriend!" and started laughing. PHEW. That was a relief. At least I got that question mark in my head out of the way.
Sometimes I think relationships seem to get more complicated the older I get. Like this, how do you classify this? A relationship? An affair? A fling? I have no idea really. To me, she was the one who was filled that void that Jasmine left when we broke up, even if it was only a bit. She was that small source of comfort for me when I was down. So in a way, I do not "need" her anymore. I am perfectly fine with my singlehood now and really beginning to enjoy my life. But still, feelings and relationships built don't just vanish like that. Not to me anyways. To me she will still be a girl I dote on and someone important to me. My mechanic tried asking me for her number many times, saying he wants to have a go at trying to get her too, since I don't seem to meet her that often anymore. I just refused, and deep inside I hated the way he talked about her. Like, what the fuck do you treat her as? A toy that I grew bored of and now you want to play with it too? Yes, I know what industry she is working in, but that doesn't mean I treat her any less like a woman as I do other girls. She still deserves to be treated like a woman, and that is with respect. More and more I am beginning to see how people treat girls who work in this trade. They objectify these girls. And it just makes me hate this trade even more.
That aside, Oanh decided to stay over last night, despite her morbid fear of the python in my room. I tried to show her how harmless Cass is, but she still seems pretty insistent that he's going to kill her in one bite, so I gave up. We had our *ahem* and then cuddled in bed and fell asleep. It was nice too, the feeling of cuddling someone to bed again, despite the sore arm and very sore neck the day after. I have no idea why my neck hurts so much the next day! It's either because of my huge wakeboarding fall, or that I fell asleep in an awkward position. In any case, my neck hurts like crap now. I brought her to the best Bak Chor Mee stall in Singapore (to me anyways!), had lunch with Glen and Mel, and sent her home. The next time I am meeting her will probably be on Sunday, when I will be sending her to the airport for her flight back to Vietnam.
And the other person who came back into my life? It's none other than Jasmine. I can't really remember when or why we started contacting each other again, but we did. Same old Jasmine, still full of bullshit and randomness and energy. Apparently her very jealous boyfriend has banned her from meeting me, so we mostly just chat over the phone. We spent hours catching up on each other's lives, bitching about stuff and people, and just entertaining each other with random funny photos and jokes. It's like StarHub times all over again. Then her boyfriend went on an overseas trip, so she decided to come over to meet me, and we started hanging out for a few days again. It was nice hanging out with Jasmine again, her noisy, cheery, fiesty attitude always makes her someone fun to hang out with. We did have our moments in those few days, it did bring back some memories too, but this time, I don't find myself wanting to be back in a relationship with her anymore. She's now just yet another very good buddy to me, still someone I will drop whatever I am doing for, still someone who means a lot to me, but I just don't see myself getting back together with her again. Hell, it's not just her, I don't even seem to be actively seeking a relationship like I was in the past anymore. It's not that I don't want one, it's just that searching for one is pretty low on my list of priorties now. If the right one comes along, she comes along. My friends all seem pretty worried that Jasmine has come back into my life. All of them are afraid that I would get hurt again. Well, I know I wouldn't, but I'm still very touched that all of them are very protective of me.
The day came when our 10 days together drew to a close, and we knew that we would not be seeing each other for a very long time again. As we drove out of my house carpark towards the airport, I won't I felt a tinge of sadness that our time has come to an end. Again. I won't deny that memories of happier times came to me at that moment. The difference now is that I can see that she is not someone I will want to have as a lifelong partner, not the way she is now anyways. And I would say that I can control my emotions a lot better now. We reached the airport, and had a last smoke together(she is banned from smoking too, HA.). I gave her one final hug, and off she went.
Relationships, huh. Relationships really aren't the simple A+B equations they were when I was younger anymore. Lines are getting blurred, grey areas are getting bigger. Oh well, I am single now, so I am still allowed to have my complications hahaha. Still, I haven't given up on love. I still believe in the notion that one day I will find my B, and I will get swept off my feet again, as will she, and we will complete each other's A+B equation. After all, isn't that what life is all about? The day we fear to fall in love again, is the day we lose a very big part of what it means to be living.
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