I actually blew $2.3K of my pay this month just on luxuries, so I would say I am pretty broke. And it doesn't help that I just got retrenched, like, 3 days ago. So that makes me REALLY broke for the coming weeks. But do I really care? No! Okay, maybe a bit, but all in all, I would say I am still in pretty good spirits for someone who just lost his job. Why, I do not really know. I've changed since I came back from Australia, since I got over her, that I do know. Its like the first breath of fresh air you take after you almost drown. Breathing is normal and all, but once you lose that for so long, that first breath is such a relief, such a rush. And that is what I'm feeling now. I am high on life itself. Everything I want to do, I'll do it. Because worrying and thinking too much wasn't getting me anywhere. I asked a random girl for her number for the first time in my life last month(yes, its very surprising but true. I have never dared to). Sam was right, what did I have to lose? So I just asked, and I got it. Wasn't that hard, was it? I gained confidence, I asked another girl a few weeks later. I got rejected, but in the end, I could say I can pat myself on the back and told myself 'I tried', and I would rather that than asking myself what if I had tried, or why I wasn't confident enough too. I also went on the cable park for the first time ever. I had always wanted to try it, but didn't dare to. I was afraid to fall flat on my face, I was afraid of all the people looking at me. But this time, I just went ahead anyways.
And it felt good.
It feels good to conquer these fears, it feels good to be living my life. This is who I am. Because I am the kind who believes that your life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the times which took your breath away. Because I am the one standing on the edge of the cliff in Albany because its just too damn awesome. That's why this month I will do everything Kelvin Lee wants, for he has been gone too long, and I miss him so. This month I will continue to spoil him, to make him happy. I'm not gonna lose him again.
But next month onwards, you better start finding a job, you bum!
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